A “Cross-Eyed” View of Biblical Femininity
By Sheree Jacob
June 23, 2006
Woman was God’s idea - His divine creation. From the foundation of the world, God intended man to be fully male and woman to be fully female in order that together they would reflect His image. We are called to be joyfully confident in who we are before God, not based on temporary cultural norms, but founded on permanent facts of creation. John Piper says of God’s intention before the fall: “This is the way God meant it to be before there was any sin in the world: sinless man, full of love, in his tender, strong leadership in relation to woman; and sinless woman, full of love, in her joyful, responsive support for man’s leadership.” Mature femininity isn’t what sin or popular opinion makes of it, but what God willed for it at its best, both in a broad spectrum and as it specifically applies to individuals.
In general, femininity and what it entails has been drowned in a sea of worldly definitions and disdained and neglected with the rise of Feminism. One secular feminist represents the world’s crude view by defining femininity as “…a nostalgic tradition of imposed limitations.” Culture erases the lines of femininity in the name of equality and personal rights. Nearly lost, the beautiful treasure of God’s way of thinking on this subject desperately needs to be recovered. Born feminine because we were created feminine, our understanding of why roles as male and female matter, and what beauty consists of, should flow from a heart bound to the gospel.
What, exactly, is tied up in that word “femininity”? What does it mean to be “biblically feminine”? In order to fully grasp femininity, it’s necessary to have a proper knowledge and recognition of biblical masculinity, for you cannot have the one without the other. Adequately identified by John Piper, “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.” On the flip side, “At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.” Dating back to that fateful day in the lush Garden of Eden, feminism’s rebellion was planted by Eve’s refusal to be content with the status quo. By fearing that God didn’t really have her best interests in mind, Eve believed that obedience would exact too high a price. She defied God’s commands. Found instilled in the sinful hearts of women today, Eve’s neglect of God’s ordination has carried through in full-potency. In Titus 2:3-5, there are listed seven virtues of femininity according to God’s calling: loving your husband, loving your children, self-control, purity, working at home, kindness, and submission in marriage. Femininity does not equal being quiet and wearing dresses. Found in God’s calling from the day He created woman, it emanates a heart fully receptive of His plan and expresses itself in the ways He established.
Created fully equal in God’s sight yet with uniquely different roles, male and female were not to be duplicates, but compliments. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’”(Genesis 2:18). Adam didn’t complain of or acknowledge a lack; God declared his aloneness as not good. Douglas Wilson says of God’s intervention: “The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. He is oriented to the task and she is oriented to him.” To lead, provide for and protect is a man’s calling. As defined in the Random House Dictionary, to “lead” is “to guide in direction, course, action, opinion; to command or direct.” In marriage, coming alongside her husband and helping him in the task God’s given him is a woman’s calling, along with loving and raising the next generation. “Help” is defined as “to contribute strength or means to, render assistance to, cooperate effectively with; aid, assist.” The dictionary goes on to say, “Help implies furnishing anything that furthers another’s efforts or relieves his wants or necessities.” Creatively, God intended for masculine weaknesses to emphasize and call forth woman’s strengths, and for feminine weaknesses to highlight and beckon man’s strengths. Each is the perfect compliment that brings to light the strengths in each other. With a disposition to yield to authority and an inclination to follow leadership, women are to exemplify submission. God calls men to exercise loving, gentle, considerate headship and women to submit to that headship in a willing, gentle, respectful way. Woman’s highest calling, her very nature from creation, is to be a helpmate reflecting Christ who came “not to be served, but to serve.”(Matthew 20:28)
As the first generation actually expecting to find happiness in this temporary life on earth, we have sought fulfillment in many things. But perhaps one of the most driving forces is a never-ceasing quest for beauty. Patterned throughout history, women have gone after beauty with a headlong fury, going to ultimate extremes and doing whatever it takes. God has instilled in us an innate desire to look attractive. It’s natural! But today’s media blares a beauty-defining image that is a false standard and a counterfeit message of beauty. In 1 Peter 3:3-4 we find God’s definition of true beauty standing in stark contrast to the definitions of our culture. “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” He calls for something precious. He treasures something worthy. Beauty by cultural standards is merely skin deep and swiftly fading, but God is after the heart; a beauty that will not fade but only grow and deepen as time goes on. “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). Godly inner-beauty greatly impacts lives and has a lasting effect, while worldly beauty may turn some heads for a brief, momentary impression. Though it stands as a great mystery, inward beauty is puzzlingly evident outwardly, for it is powerful, permanent, eternal, and ultimately damage-resistant. As a sign of surrendered trust, this gentle and quiet spirit that God cherishes understands and acknowledges that God is fully in control. It certainly doesn’t mean being passive or listless, but it isn’t rude, pushy, or harsh. Reflecting what is being cultivated in the heart, appearance either echoes a commitment to Christ or hints at a clinging to the world. Amazingly, we house the Holy Spirit in our very bodies. They are not our own, so we are commanded to honor God with our bodies! Physical beauty, in the end, never delivers as advertised, for “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30).
According to God’s objective, femininity is far more than just acting feminine, but it is a disposition that seeks to find joy in the honored role as a helper. Truly beautiful in God’s eyes and impacting on others, it exemplifies gentleness and surrender to God. Ultimately, the main reason for pursuing biblical femininity is the incredible gospel of Jesus Christ, for our behavior has the power to either discredit or to commend the gospel.
Singleness is a season that is swiftly passing away. It is a gift! Created purposefully by God to live purposefully by His Word, God calls me as a single woman to discover how biblical femininity specifically applies to me in this season. “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1Corinthians 7:34-35) In a sense, this is a time of freedom! During this period, there are unique ways I can express biblical femininity, develop my role as helpmate, and seek after that which is essentially beautiful.
Since femininity is a disposition which characterizes the heart, it is not simply a reflex ensued by marriage. In all my relationships as a single, I can seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance to apply a biblical vision of manhood and womanhood and develop a method and demeanor that justifies the God-given unique role of man as leader. God calls us to respond to all those around us as true women of God. Obviously, this is not expressed in the exact same way to all men, but in some shape or form in all my relationships with men. Taking advantage of my dad’s wisdom, I should seek his insight and value his headship over me. By submitting to him, I will learn to respect and defer to a man’s godly leadership. Even though it may appear that single men are unaware of their inerrant need for woman, God is aware! Remembering this truth will protect me from bitterness, complaining, or manipulation – all characters which tarnish the gleam of femininity. If the home is to be my primary place for ministry, isn’t now the time to cultivate a heart for the home? One way to express my femininity is to take an interest in, care for, and reach out to others’ children. Learning from my mom, I can glean much from the great deposit of wisdom and experience God has given her as she has faithfully lived out her calling as wife and mother. To express my femininity currently, I should utilize any chance or opportunity to learn and grow.
Continuously, I need to cultivate a habit of encouraging and making room for godly men to practice servant leadership in my life. Instead of being tempted to resist them in a stiff-necked posture of heart, I should incline toward them. Publicly questioning or sinfully complaining about their actions should be purposefully avoided. If ever it appears that I should attempt to influence a man’s decision or behavior, undeniably it should be done in a way that signals my full support of his leadership. When my heart is soft to the mercies of God and overwhelmed by His love, obedience will be a cheerful sacrifice of gratitude. Not only am I to receive, but I am to nurture and strengthen the resources of masculinity that God has placed in my life. Gladly accepting gentlemanly courtesies respects their kind of strengths. We can pursue righteousness as brothers and sisters side-by-side. Through relationships with godly, worthy men, I can seek ways that enhance my God-given role as companion and helper.
“Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God.” (Romans 12:1) Resolved that I only have one person to please as a single woman, I need to make the Lord the object of my pursuit for beauty. All should be for the eyes of One! God is not going to bless vain pursuits, so I need to replace them with godly ones. Based in the confidence of God’s loving care, Fatherly protection, and irrefutable kindness, a gentle and quiet spirit believes that God is going to be good. Oh that I might reach that place of gentleness that is humbly still in the face of God’s gracious disposal. Worldly passions will utterly mar my beauty. Pursuing thinness solely for the sake of thinness does not honor God; it is self-love and idolatry. Instead, I should develop self-control and strengthen my body for effective service to the Lord. But in order to have any hope of reaching that place, God, by His grace, must purify my motives. Abandoning divided loyalties and idols, I must devote myself wholly to be pure. Consequently, I will find the wonderful hope and freedom by being set free from an idolatrous self-focus. Am I consumed with ministering to others and glorifying God, or with what I see in the mirror? I must refuse to let my perception of that reflection dictate my state of peace and joy. “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31) Recognizing this body is not my own will radically affect how I take care of it. Gratefully receive God’s design. Praise Him for my body. Know it’s for His glory.
Without concerns or distractions, I want to maximize these single years in unhindered devotion to God. From a right understanding of biblical femininity to properly valuing and nurturing godly leadership of men in my life, I can, by God’s grace, seek to develop that mysteriously breathtaking beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Christ is able to make me a woman that defines myself only in Him and His truths, and trusts Him so much that I will do anything for His glory. This unique opportunity of singleness is mine to seize, or mine to squander.
Ever living in the presence of glory, the true woman reflects God’s image in every relationship and circumstance of life. Just as Moses radiated God’s glory after his close encounter with God’s power on Mount Sinai, if we are filled with the living spirit of God, we will radiate His beauty and make the gospel believable. In all behavior we are to adorn the gospel, because our actions will either bring honor to the one, true God, or misrepresent and tarnish His truth. I long to be that polished gold setting that uniquely displays the brilliance of a priceless gem – the Pearl of great price: the gospel. Originating at the cross, having an eternal perspective will free me from things passing away in order that I might eagerly pursue that which will last forever. “All that pleases is but for a moment, all that grieves is but for a moment; nothing is important but that which is eternal.” (Author unknown). Amid a generation that has recklessly abandoned the roots of manhood and womanhood divinely instilled at creation, I must develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle that has a “cross-eyed” view of God’s vision for biblical femininity.
Done teaching!
1 day ago
